Social Media vs. Real-Life Socialising, aka Where Do I Fit?

Meetup may be the most terrifying brand of social media today. I say this having joined two stellar groups, including Mosaic Writers - Thanks, guys.  You are my therapy session.

There are piles of Meetups for writers. This tells me that other writers also seek either collaboration or feedback, but that they aren't finding the type they want in the pre-existing meetup groups. Maybe the originators are Moes, trying to launch their own vision, or make it proximal to them. Commuting is a pain.

There are piles of Ladies-Only Meetups of different varieties. The one that just made its way into my in-box was Analytical Babes.  Clever labeling, Babes.  You made me look.

AB has a lofty set of goals which distills into just one: self-improvement. They list the things they like and most of them were either holistic or academic - I note with interest that "judging" is there, maybe a typo - and a preferred age demographic of Over 30. 

I feel like this is going to morph into dating strategy, and that wouldn't be wrong. It is my number one turn-off, though. I must have had some bad hen-party experiences (and by this I do not mean the UK version which is for brides-to-be.) In fact, I must have had some bad female bonding experiences in general, because Moneypenny says I'm a dood.  If by dood you mean outspoken, self-confident, and not seeming to "know her place,"so is she, so I believe her.

It's depressing how much support to be female we Ladies seem to need. When ladies say Ladies Only, it's usually because they don't want guys to show up treating it like a dating site, but then conversation goes there anyway. We Ladies apparently don't want to be lonely spinsters, but being able to hang with doods puts us in the friend-zone. It's not us, guys; it's you.

Watch that good girl-bad girl thing, yeah?

I imagine an ebullient ladies- only welcome as a barrage of questions:  "HI! Glad you're here. Do you like __________?" Um, not so much... "What about _________________" Yes, but more so if it's framed like this... "How about _____________________?"  Do you really mean_ _ _ _ _ , because...

And at this point the self-congratulatory ladies start huddling nearer each other and looking at me with sad smiles, maybe even whispering to each other in the back row. I predict alienation, once again. Maybe this is why I always had guy friends.  Meeting guy friends goes more like this:

"Hey. Want a beer?" Eventually the discussion would meander toward engines and boobs, the former being more interesting to me, but much less calculating of my intentions. Huh. Maybe I don't like girl-gangs because I don't like them doing to me what I do to everybody else. Wouldn't that be Ironic. Not a question.

Maybe AB would really like to be brain-picked by me. Maybe they would be receptive to my dating strategy:  Know yourself, and know your goals; maybe they're already there.  Maybe I know myself well enough to let someone else evaluate me. Now this is looking more interesting. What if Analytical Babes is really a group of doods?  How will that work, if I'm not the unicorn? Hm.

Bottom line:  I don't need to go and weigh myself if I'm happy where I am, right?  I don't need to peek into somebody else's therapy session with a preconceived goal of finding how they aren't a good fit for me. If I want to peek in with a fair eye, then that's okay.

Maybe it's a good time to assess where I fit into my society.  Peer support is a shiny piece of paper; peer pressure doesn't work so well for me.

If not right now, that's okay, too. Allowing yourself some vulnerability is crucial but difficult. Terrifying. But I like dangerous edges, so...

I'm going to go Mindfully STFU now, and think some more.

Further Reading:

The Risk of Vulnerability
I said it before:  this article should be titled The Power of Vulnerability. It's good for you; it's good for me. Timing is important, though; don't force anything that will turn into a setback on your Project of Self.

DC Cuddling Workshop

FUCK no.  Nope. Don't care. I will not pay somebody to platonically touch me and I do not want to know people who would. 

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