Happy Valentine's Day - Hope It Goes Well For You :)

By débora Ewing

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At Ian's Place - Part One, in which you may find a creature....

By débora Ewing
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At Ian's Place - Part One I got this house-sitting arrangement with Ian through a mutual. I live at his place when I'm in LA selling art and while he's on tour, which is usually. Like a hippie crash-pad with only two hippies, one at a time. I picked up his keys at one of Cosmo's parties; even then Ian was en route to the airport. "So you need my schedule? Should I email it?" I yelled a little over the music. I was super-thrilled about this arrangement, but the casualness and unknown variables perplexed me, especially in the middle of a party. Did my momma warn me about this? "Yeah, no, there's a guest room. Should be all made up, might be dusty." Ian seemed distracted, maybe feeling awkward, too. "That guy in the pink t-shirt is Jack. He's my manager. Get my address from him. Hey, take care, man, my ride's here. I gotta go. I like your boots." He handed me two keys, no keychain - one for a deadbolt, I assumed
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Don't Be That Guy at the Party - Mitigating Toxic Relationships

By débora Ewing
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I'm seeing a potential negative to all this new-found awareness of self that's permeated the inter-verse. I and many other people are putting our opinions on self-care and toxicity out on the internet, so they all look valid. The awakening to acknowledgement of self is beautiful, and I'm glad to see it taking hold in our society. I've been a life-long proponent. Like with any seemingly-new thing, there's the temptation to jump into the deep end of the pool and fully immerse. And the next temptation is to become the guy at the party who quit drinking and smoking but still wants to hang out. He has advice for everyone on the evils of alcohol. He's trying to be helpful. There are thousands of articles on the internet about mental health, and now we have this blog post. I am not a certified mental health professional. I am observant, caring, possibly communistic in my belief that everyone deserves an equal chance to fall on her tuchas** . And when you fall, I
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27 Hours of Philadelphia - Art in the Sky

By débora Ewing
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About the time I had my booth set up and I could relax, I realized where I was. One Liberty Place is that tall, pointy building you see in the movies when they show Philadelphia's skyline. We were in there, on the Observation Deck, setting up spooky art. I don't think my art is spooky, quite, but it isn't Disney . I like to call it Creepy Folk . Crows that aren't scared, banjo optional, like that. So I thought this event hosted by Jerks Productions might connect me with my people. I made no sales, but I definitely found my people. I met the Bone Lady - Rocky Digati of Darker Arts Studio , home of Osso Bella Human Bone Jewelry. If you're in the market for a human  radius bone necromancer wand, she's your gal. Rocky gets her bits from discarded scientific specimens. She does own an historic cemetery; she says, "we keep the businesses separate." She's a no-nonsense friendly soul. After setting  up, calming down, realising where I wa
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My AA Story - Find Your Tribe

By débora Ewing
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I attended an AA meeting once in the early 80s, having hitch-hiked to Daytona Beach with the guy who would later become the father of all my children. Laden with sleeping-bag rolls , we were  befriended by people who live on the beach. They immediately showed us the ropes: you can attend the Meeting and get some free donuts and coffee. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. There will be lots of coffee. You will need it to stay awake during the 3 hours you aren't allowed to be on the beach. It isn't recommended for newbies to try and congregate under the bridge where the regulars go - folks are territorial. So those who don't have territory stay awake and wander the city for 3 hours. We ended up making another friend - a guy on a Harley chopper who let us stay at his apartment overnight. I had about 8 minutes of terror standing on a corner at midnight, waiting to see if this guy came back after taking away my friend; he did. The guy let us
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"Based on Actual Events" - Memory vs. Reality in Writing

By débora Ewing
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Processes are nonrigid, and resemblance to linearity is a mirage. Creative process has to alternate like electricity or cricket batters. I use input/output methods like playing the same song over and again until a painting is finished - the song builds the world and keeps the tone while I interpret what the universe has shown me. What I read is an important input to what I write, even when what I write is my own nonfictional experience. Favourite authors sculpted my understanding of what literature should be. Ray Bradbury is at the top of that list. I met him once at a book signing in Palm Springs, California, ca. 2001. He was more adorable than I'd always suspected he was: those red suspenders and khaki shorts, comfortable shoes and trouser socks. He'd just found out that  Fahrenheit 451   would be assigned reading in France, and he was so happy for his characters. They remained very real people to him, he told me. We had a great conversation before the media showed up
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Business Tattoos vs. Deb-utante Ball aka My Coming-Out Party

By débora Ewing
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Last night I worked out some business card designs, because I realise I need them. I've come to that point in the conversation a few times recently, and I had no business card to hand over. So. My waking thought this morning was that business cards are actually a huge deal. HUGE. They signify that I'm willing to BE IDENTIFIED, not just in the moment, but also later. That I am willing to let select individuals be able to locate me and ask me to do things for them, that I will consider their proposals. I am not only admitting but committing to the Universe and to myself that I will do things. Envoys take what is offered, Takashi.   I have to brand myself, like a tattoo. Unlike a tattoo, I can change my brand later (well, sort of like a tattoo - even there, we have options.)  And that's always been one of my pet neuroses:  avoiding a label.  I can't stand it when someone asks me, "Are you a ________________?" Writer, artist, poet, chef, dancer was
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Movie Review: Certified Copy, 2011 - What is the importance of the original?

By débora Ewing
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YEAH, no, I shot myself in the foot on this one because I don't like feely-movies. I was hoping, naively, for more focus on the the discussion of art's impact on society, but really I should have known better. It is sad how judg(e)mental I can remain watching these two strangers enact a very realistic fake marriage of 15 years .  A lot of the time I am siding with the guy: if the wine is bad, you say something. I had to stop watching, though, to comment on a pivotal point in the "marriage" - the pretending wife is complaining that her pretend husband doesn't see her, because he didn't notice she changed her lipstick nor her earrings.  On this I disagree, and I have to credit my ex-husband. Yardy rarely cared if I wore makeup or not. I clean up well, as they say. I often call makeup "battle armor", and it's important when how I present to society is important. It's important when I'm feeling especially unwell and ho
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Trigger-Happy vs. Bag of Onions, AKA Dr. Who is my Favorite Therapist

By débora Ewing
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I'm about to add "trigger" to the list of catchphrases that should be retired due to misleading connotations.  I've seen the term used by people (read: internet trolls) whose only goal is to cause reactions  for the purpose of some creepy short-term gratification. Triggers can be personal and polarizing:  mention the poet Robert Frost and I'm triggered immediately, because how you feel about him is going to impact how I feel about you. The concept of  trigger in therapy has been extremely useful for people who have difficulty navigating every-day life.  Using the word this way implies an element of surprise:  something new sets off a knee-jerk reaction   founded in an unrelated traumatic event.  Therapy can help you create a tool that works to keep you in control of yourself when you're triggered. The phenomenon I'm talking about here needs a different word. It's not a trigger; it does not present as surprise.  It's the thing you kn
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I Can't Follow You

By débora Ewing
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This is something you need to know about me: I am my own law of physics when it comes to dancing.  I can't lead, either - I just spin.  Okay, maybe it's not just dancing.  Yeah, pretty sure it's everything.  Having arrived here several times in my life, I am no longer interested in trying to adjust.  I'm good with spinning. Each of us, if we were paying attention, has lived several lifetimes in the skin we now own.  Maybe it's better to say we're leasing it - we will give it back.  The skin, the bones, everything will ultimately return to ash and dust; no chemicals can stop the process forever.  See this map on BBC: we have millions of years to work on it.    Nothing is permanent. Take a few minutes and sort your history - not into chapters, but into the lives you have lived.  The easy way is to note each allegorical death.  Less easy is to realise that each death is followed by a rebirth, messy, painful, embarrassing.  Having given birth I can tell you t
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Truth vs. Publication (or Science is the New Clickbait)

By débora Ewing
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There are catchphrases out there in webland, circling the lamp like tattered moths:  Dumbing-down of America, Alt-Left, Alt-Right, others I largely ignore, but also this one: Scientists Prove Something You Wanted to Believe. Clickbait .  The popular profile of science is twisting like a plastic pinwheel from the fair. Actual science seems to be dying...or is it? There's good work being done. How do we filter it down to the America that watches Reality TV?   “But the results are the results,” I exclaimed. “Shouldn’t we just let the data tell the story?” He shook his head. “That’s not how science works, Chris. Data don’t tell stories, scientists tell stories.” - Chris Chambers, The 7 Deadly Sins of Psychology  The British Psychological Society published Chris Chambers' own version of the story:   A Vaccine Against Bias - The Psychologist... The article will show you the foundation under the dumbing-down of sensationalist scientific articles so they'll fit o
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