#uncoffeed...

Were I capable of taking my own life, I probably found the place where it's done.  Now that the darkest dark seems to have passed, I'm telling you what I found. I'm practicing reaching out. If you didn't hear from me, it's because I'm wary of your intentions. I know you care, and I believe you want the best for me.  A hug can become an extra burden.  Questions and empathy bruise when my answers aren't received the way I gave them . I'm afraid of being smoothed over. The standard response to things we don't understand is to disregard or re-frame, fit into something more comfortable for us; it's natural. The knee-jerk reaction is to drop everything and address someone else's problem. We instinctively seek a fast resolution so we can go back to tending our own. Please note I never used the words "someone needs help."  Needing help is frowned upon in our culture, and nobody wants to be needy. We don't want to believe it ab...

I'm about to add "trigger" to the list of catchphrases that should be retired due to misleading connotations.  I've seen the term used by people (read: internet trolls) whose only goal is to cause reactions  for the purpose of some creepy short-term gratification. Triggers can be personal and polarizing:  mention the poet Robert Frost and I'm triggered immediately, because how you feel about him is going to impact how I feel about you. The concept of  trigger in therapy has been extremely useful for people who have difficulty navigating every-day life.  Using the word this way implies an element of surprise:  something new sets off a knee-jerk reaction   founded in an unrelated traumatic event.  Therapy can help you create a tool that works to keep you in control of yourself when you're triggered. The phenomenon I'm talking about here needs a different word. It's not a trigger; it does not present as surprise.  It's the thing ...