I've finally answered my question: I know what I want. 

I want to stop. 

I want to stop fighting. I want to stop losing - people and in general - I want to stop dying before my time. 

I want to stop being confused.

I want to flow like a spring from the earth and help everything around me to grow and bloom, to move with Grace toward the completion of life-cycle, like a catalyst.

I want to decay at the right moment, and I want to savor it.

Annandale is, for now, a safe place to stop.  I will practice stopping.

The universe is cyclical. I want to occupy my niche, curled up comfortably, at peace.


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