The Attention Desert

I was up shiny at 6:00 AM today.  I'm going to try to make this a habit - wish me strength because luck's got nothing to do with it.  I need to change the state of play and garner more useful results for my efforts.

I say all the time that I'm allergic to waiting: it makes me itchy.  The submission process for publication is very itchy.  I try to mitigate by submitting on a somewhat regular basis so that I get some return in a steady flow.  It doesn't always work well; besides that I have to actually send something, there are many factors that affect the response time from prospective publishers.  Scratch.  I do love my rejection letters, but they are so long in coming.  Scratch, scratch.

I have Delayed Gratification Challenges.  I am learning to measure time week to week instead of minute to minute, but it isn't easy for me.  As it relates to human connection the concept becomes infinitely more complicated.

Just like with publishers, you can't tell your friends and family how or when to connect.  My family is probably overly-sensitive on the topic because I do not connect how or as often as they'd like; we all live in different parts of the United States, so I have that working for me or against them, however you want to call it.  My mom doesn't internet, so I do my best to call her about every other week - more and she'd worry about me.

My Chosen Family - the people I value because they seem to get me - are scattered as widely across the country as my blood relations.

You don't have any control over the schedules and needs of others.  Sometimes the dynamics of a relationship change, because reasons, and you will feel the emptiness where a connection used to spark.  Please identify that feeling as Not Wrong.  It needs to be dealt with, but it isn't an enemy - it's a change.  Change is often awkward.  You can miss what you used to have, but don't let the hole debilitate you.  Don't rush to fill it as soon as possible with something else that may be inappropriate. Find new healthy connections.

Ice cream is not a connection...just thought I'd point that out.

I want to connect, but not too often, and not like this, more like that.  It's asking a lot of other humans.  As *Rob Copeman once said (and I paraphase,) I am very much a homebody and rarely do things unless I'm in a situation where I don't have access to home. 

I like my hidey-hole.  I can truly enjoy myself in the company of others in settings chosen by them.  I'm still waiting to find some people who will join me in my settings and do things that I like to do.

There is a vast desert, bordered by a vast ocean, between me and other people who like what I like. Like Abu Dhabi.

So I send out into the world my ugly babies the poems, stories, emails, and connect where I can.  Wait for reciprocation.  If I am dissatisfied with the response rate, I should try something different which still serves me and will ultimately lead connection to my doorstep.  To that end, I will start getting up early and see where that takes me.  A start is just that: eso si que es.

New is sometimes good, but you can't know until you try. 


  1. It's so odd, because I know you will GET that. I don't even have to ask. Rare feeling.

  2. Mari, I squealed! Of course I do, and I love it when other people do , too. Dr. uses that term as well. You are not surprised :)


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