Don't Be That Guy at the Party - Mitigating Toxic Relationships

I'm seeing a potential negative to all this new-found awareness of self that's permeated the inter-verse. I and many other people are putting our opinions on self-care and toxicity out on the internet, so they all look valid.

The awakening to acknowledgement of self is beautiful, and I'm glad to see it taking hold in our society. I've been a life-long proponent. Like with any seemingly-new thing, there's the temptation to jump into the deep end of the pool and fully immerse. And the next temptation is to become the guy at the party who quit drinking and smoking but still wants to hang out. He has advice for everyone on the evils of alcohol. He's trying to be helpful.

There are thousands of articles on the internet about mental health, and now we have this blog post.
I am not a certified mental health professional. I am observant, caring, possibly communistic in my belief that everyone deserves an equal chance to fall on her tuchas**.
And when you fall, I will tell you, "Good job. You tried a thing. Try another one."
Toxic is not a new term to describe people, but it should sometimes be applied to interactions. It can be plastered on a person who uses the same connection process on all friends and relatives, usually seeking drama because it feels normal to them. Drama Addiction is a real thing.

Sometimes it's the process of connecting with a person that's toxic, and you can stop doing the thing that leads you to feeling stressed. Stop the connect, and see if another route to that person forms itself. If it doesn't, that's okay. People change, and people also don't change. Due to my own Bread Crust Theory, I can't say whether it's possible for a new, nontoxic route to form where the stressful one once existed.

It may be useful to identify how we came to this and label each part separately for further consideration. If a person or situation is truly toxic, cut it off - now, if not yesterday.

Killing off can become a habit. Mitigation is required here - don't let your pain cut you off from the world you've collected. Have some faith in yourself.: you made good decisions, too. The question remains whether uncomfortable relationships can be pruned and guided.

I'm closing today with the words of Peter Kidd:  poet, horticulturist, mystic, founder of Igneus Press. I'm sharing my guru with you while he discusses the passing of knowledge to his son-in-law.
I only teach natural pruning, which is labor filled early on, but becomes easier once the architecture of the plant has been shaped gradually...the proper term is really "guide" not "prune." I want him to think in terms of nurturing and working with the plants. Humans need to consecrate our position in nature. When I fertilize a plant I am not feeding that plant, I am fertilizing it, the Sun is feeding it, running its photosynthetic engine. Knowing ones place in the scheme of things has a way of amplifying the significance of the act.
** Keister does not mean ass, but suitcase; the phrase "sitting on your keister" is anti-immigration slang to reference people waiting in a long line, sitting on their suitcases, to get through Ellis Island.

Further Reading:

Igneus Press
Here you will find carefully-chosen poets spanning the decades of human connection from Kent State to now. Sophia Kidd is taking on the next generation, and I am so excited about this.

Learn to Prune with Confidence
My dad was a tragic figure in my life, but he taught me how to look for answers in books, and he gave me my interest in landscaping.

American Sign Language
I'd really like to see America become multilingual like the rest of the civilized world. Start with fingerspelling in American.

Quotes from Immigrants Ellis Island
Your ancestors came from somewhere else, and possibly through Ellis Island. I love these quotes; they are so real.

We Came as Romans
I googled "How We Came To This", assuming it would be a song and it doesn't seem to be. I still need a banjo  player to write some songs to my lyrics. In the meantime, I learned about this band and I am cranking it right now.

Nahko and Medicine For the People
...and I just came to the part of We Came of Romans where I was no longer interested, and I pressed the Forward arrow.  YouTube gave me this, and it's perfect. 


  1. When searching the Universe it's always wonderful to find someone who has traits, shortcomings and glorious strengths that are so like your own, but also strengths that are so much like the person you love best in the world. If AL and I had had a kid, you could be that child, with the best attributes of each of us and more than your share of my shortcomings. Your ability to research and absorb is so like his, but processed with my attitudes. And like you always hope happens with your children, you are better at what you do than either of us, and ALL you. The best of both without the birth. Thank you, Universe, and thank you Internet, for bringing us together. :-)

  2. Oh, dear lord, Mom. I have never been better described. Hug Dad for me.

    1. :-P {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Deb}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  3. I was led here by rhe donut debarcle and exchange with the bloke at 3am and a gnat. I enjoyed readimg this. Good writing. You doing flash short or long fiction? Book? No? Ya should.

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. I enjoy your writing style genuinely enjoying this site.

  6. Thanks for finally writing about >"Don't Be That Guy at the Party - Mitigating Toxic Relationships" <Loved it!


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