Weird Holidays vs. Saudade

Today is the birthday of one of my soulmates.  I say it like that because I never think there's only one, but this one I had the good fortune to meet.

We shared 12 years, a home, and many adventures. He was a father to my baby girl twice - first when he took us as family, and then later when she ran away from me as a teenager.  In 1995, he was diagnosed with a slow-growing Astrocytoma. He died in 2002, after we'd broken up 4 times by phone. He was living with another of his soulmates by then - I make assumptions, but I'm probably right, because even I knew she was the first girl he ever had a crush on. 

I remember he used to tell me his mother thought she should get a gift on his birthday, for having given birth to him.  He also believed that she was a 15-year old virgin when he was conceived, and his parents were responsible and used a condom in 1954, and that obviously the condom broke because he was born. I only laughed at him once when he told this story; you can't judge what another person needs to believe, but only point out the improbability as your civic duty. After that, they choose to see or not.

Birthdays for me have been little more than opportunities for disappointment. Aside from my being innately time-challenged, my birthday historically hosted a series of weird disasters, so I started celebrating the day before, or the whole week.  Now I celebrate the whole month, or just whenever I think I should have a birthday party.

Every day is a rebirth for someone. Celebrate it. Today I am celebrating all of you.

Further Reading:

On Surviving Someone Else's Cancer
- an excerpt from a book in progress, working title "Best Kept Secret." I hate that title, but I'm still working, so. 
(That band I can't stand) Unbound - An Unauthorised Biography
 Tim's Old English Sheepdog, Rudy, is referenced in this book. He was named after the Clash song, Rudie Can't Fail. Rudy was the true rock star - anyone who knew him can vouch. That's why he got to be in the book.

Don't Tread on Austria
This cracks me up. Here, Tim is referenced (auf Deutsch) as being in the band Gangster, which was true. ??? as the drummer is hilarious, because when the band decided to pack up and move to California to make it big, the drummer packed up his kit and went to Western Michigan University, like literally in the hour it took to go rent a U-Haul. I don't remember why I know about this link, but I hope the website owner is surprised by people actually hitting it after so many years.


  1. Sometimes we let someone into our heart, and they stay there. He is still there, and always will be. :-(

    1. I really think he was already there before I met him. We had that conversation a few times and laughed, but he sort of thought so, too. Unless I do something drastic he will probably come around again.


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