Finding Your Restore Point

I have lived in a lot of the United States.  In fact, it wasn't until this decade that I learned how to go on vacation and come home again, instead of just moving to the place I wanted to see. I can apparently blame this on my Scots-Irish heritage. 

I once planned a vacation to visit cities on I-10: Houston, New Orleans, Mobile. I'd lived in these cities during my youthful wanderings and I wanted to show my husband some of my history. I also wanted to see them again as a tourist who could afford the nice restaurants, instead of a single mom who could barely pay the bills.

The trip was successful in the latter regard, and in the end I felt awesome. I was able to figure out which of my feelings were based on my experience in that city, which were based on friends who may or may not still be there, and which were for the city itself.

I still go back to NO whenever I can - it's a Restore Point for the culture that is important to me: art, music, banging cuisine. Rich multiple layers of diverse history.

I was able to make better sense of my history's facts: this is what I did and why I did it; this is a decision-making process I do not have to use any more. I was able to forgive myself a little more for being stupid when I was stupid, and naive when I was naive. Those are two different things.

When I divorced the aforementioned husband, I felt like I'd been off my proper path for years.  I sought a Restore Point: when was the last time I was normal? Why? The answer is also tangential to I-10, just off it, on 111. When I lived in Palm Springs, California, my mom came to visit me, and she declared me Happy. Moms know these things. So I went back there, to sort my feelings from facts. I came home again, sorted, leaving the past in the past, and leaving the door open to the future.

Palm Springs feels like home, the best I can understand the concept. The place where, when you go there, they have to let you, it's the place where you are truly accepted for what you are, all of your enigma and animal baseness. It's a different sort of Restore Point.

Revisiting the past can be a good way to properly assign value to the feelings that wander through your psyche unbidden. This is important, because unbidden feelings can really screw up your present tense. Encouraging free-range feelings to stay can lead to Drama Addiction - please, just don't. It's counterproductive, debilitating, and potentially deadly. Seek help if you can't control them on your own.

Your feelings should always have value - but you have to weigh them accurately. Don't let them tell you how much they should be worth.


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