Too Many Words vs. Finding Your True Nature.

The more ideas I have, and the more I work out the math in my own mind to find them feasible, the more I realise how much I have shut myself down in the years prior to 2018.  It's a little galling, but I know I didn't do all of it to myself. Also I realise how much I have always been exactly what I am.

This is not a post about casting blame. We're going to talk about discovery.

In 1975, I was ten years old. For the second time, my school had me evaluated to see if something was wrong with me (I didn't know that when it was happening.) I met with a guidance counselor weekly and she gave me various tasks that didn't make sense, but I performed them well.

She typed my parents a letter that begins:

"The most apt phrase to describe our most delightful Debbie is that she 'bites off more than she can chew.' Although this really isn't the case." I love this line. But then she follows with "Deb could do the work if she'd like to but perhaps she gets more attention if she doesn't." She determined that I had a lack of responsibility, that I was choosing to be obstinate - common diagnosis in 1975.

While I agree that responsibility is important, I don't think she really identified my problem. I'd like to argue that even then I needed someone to explain to me why it was required to blindly follow, and take some time to discuss whether there wasn't really a better solution. I guess that made me needy. I just wanted to understand. I'm still having the same need for clarification, at this very instant.

Neil deGrasse Tyson just touched my heart with this speech. He explains the difference between knowing the answer and finding the answer. He gets me, even though I'm not what he's talking about. I don't compartmentalize very much - I compile data, all of it. It swims around in my brain looking for other data to join. It takes me longer than most people take to come up with something, but it also avails me of solutions that the fast-sorter is not going to find on the first try, or the second. Maybe you think this sounds like you.

My counselor meant well when she wrote that letter in 1975, but she was stuck on C-A-T thought pattern - linear - and wanted me to be able to conform. She wasn't wrong, really; had I been able to conform my life would have been easier. Easier is not the same as fulfilling. Back then I had big ideas, but a ten-year-old is just not taken seriously as a project manager or even a seer. Wise Magets are no longer valued in society the way they used to be.

I still bite off more than I can chew *within a set time-frame* but if you don't use a stop-watch I will continue to amaze  you.

It is good to learn what society expects and to be responsible for your share. It may take extra work for you to truly understand your role and how it pertains to your true self, but it is worthwhile to fully grok it. It will make some parts of your life easier. It is also good to continually seek a place where your personal skill set fits, and people who get you.  The path is often solitary, but truly worthwhile.

If you can follow instructions but also look for another answer, that will be the most pragmatic use of your minutes on earth. Listen, but don't blindly follow, because there isn't any real reward in that. 

Further Reading:

Qidditas 24 - Please see Page 59

Dr. Timothy Jolyon Hughes makes a good case for young women in literature who were wise beyond their years, beginning on page 59. Go ahead and read the whole thing, though. Get some popcorn and curl up by the fire.


  1. :-) Who knows? You might live your life thinking very strange thoughts, and as one who chooses to, or NOT to, follow, never relinquishing her choice, might write very strange books that have no genre. You might choose friends on their merit and not because they are part of a cliche. You might visit graveyards AND bars. You might be Deb instead of Debby. You might be uniquely -- You.


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